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Menopause, comfort and pleasure

A gentle, sourced look at how the menopause can change comfort and desire, what some people find helpful, and when to speak to your GP.

By Editorial team, vibrator.toysUpdated 4 min read

The menopause is a natural stage of life, but it can bring changes that affect how you feel about intimacy and pleasure, with a partner or on your own. Some people notice very little. Others find that comfort, desire or confidence shift for a while. Both are completely normal, and there is plenty of support available.

This guide is general information, not medical advice. If you have symptoms that worry you, please speak to your GP, practice nurse or pharmacist.

What is the menopause?

The NHS describes the menopause as the point when periods stop because of lower hormone levels, usually between the ages of 45 and 55 in the UK. The years leading up to it, when hormone levels start to change and symptoms may begin, are known as the perimenopause. For some people this starts earlier, and it can also be brought on by surgery or some medical care.

Common symptoms listed by the NHS include hot flushes, difficulty sleeping, low mood or anxiety, reduced interest in intimacy, and vaginal dryness or discomfort. Everyone's experience is different, and symptoms can come and go over several years.

How can the menopause affect comfort and desire?

Lower oestrogen levels can mean less natural moisture and more sensitive tissue, which some people notice as dryness or discomfort. Tiredness from poor sleep, changes in mood, and simply having a lot going on can all affect how much you feel like being intimate. Many people find their relationship with pleasure changes rather than disappears: it might need a little more time, warmth and patience than before.

It is worth knowing that these changes are common and that you do not have to simply put up with discomfort. The NHS notes that vaginal dryness is something a GP or pharmacist can help with, and there are several options available, including lubricants, moisturisers and, for some people, hormone-based approaches. A GP can talk you through what might suit you, and NICE guidance (NG23) sets out the options clinicians consider.

What some people find helpful

These are gentle ideas that some people find make intimacy feel more comfortable during the menopause. They are not a substitute for advice from a health professional.

  • Taking more time. Slowing down, warming up gradually and focusing on relaxation can make a real difference to comfort.
  • Using a good lubricant. A water-based lube adds glide and is compatible with every toy we sell. Our guide to lube and compatibility explains the different types. If you have sensitive skin, look for fragrance-free formulas and ask a pharmacist if unsure.
  • Gentle, external vibration. Some people find that a soft, low-intensity vibration helps them relax and reconnect with what feels good. A small, simple toy like the Bijou Classic Bullet, featherlight with a gently tapered tip, can feel less daunting than something more powerful.
  • Finer control. If you prefer to build up slowly, a toy with more steps between settings, such as the Duet Dual Massage Wand with ten modes, lets you start very gently.
  • Warmth and water. A warm bath can be relaxing in itself. The Lune Rechargeable Mini Bullet is rated IPX7 waterproof, so it can join you.
  • Talking. If you have a partner, sharing how things feel now can take the pressure off. Our guide to talking to a partner has some easy openers.

When should you speak to your GP?

The NHS suggests seeing a GP if you have menopausal symptoms that are bothering you, or if you have symptoms before the age of 45. It is also worth getting advice if you notice any bleeding after the menopause, pain during intimacy that does not settle, or any change that is new or unexplained. You can ask to see a GP or nurse with a special interest in the menopause, and you are welcome to bring someone with you.

Pleasure during and after the menopause is entirely possible, and looking after your comfort is a perfectly good reason to ask for support.

Sources and further reading

Questions, answered

Is it normal to feel less interested in intimacy during the menopause?

Yes. The NHS lists reduced interest in intimacy as a common menopause symptom. It often changes over time, and a GP can talk through options if it is bothering you.

Which lube is best during the menopause?

Water-based lube is a safe, versatile choice that works with every toy we sell. If you have sensitive skin, look for fragrance-free formulas and ask a pharmacist for advice.

Can a vibrator help with menopause symptoms?

A vibrator is not a health product and we do not make health claims. Some people simply find gentle vibration helps them relax and enjoy pleasure in a new way. For symptoms, please speak to your GP.

Should I see a doctor about dryness or discomfort?

It is a good idea if it is bothering you. The NHS says a GP or pharmacist can help, and there are several options available. Always seek advice for bleeding after the menopause.

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