Stress, sleep and making time for yourself

Most of us know the feeling of lying awake with a busy mind, or reaching the end of a long week running on empty. Stress and sleep are closely connected, and small, kind habits can help some people feel calmer. This guide brings together what trusted sources suggest, and why some people find that making time for pleasure is part of how they unwind.

This guide is general information, not medical advice. If stress, low mood or sleep problems are affecting your daily life, please speak to your GP.

How are stress and sleep connected?

The NHS describes stress as the body's reaction to feeling under pressure or threatened. A little now and then is a normal part of life, but ongoing stress can make it harder to relax, concentrate and sleep. Poor sleep, in turn, can make everyday stresses feel bigger. It can easily become a loop.

The NHS Every Mind Matters service suggests that most adults need around 7 to 9 hours of sleep a night, and that a regular routine, a calm bedroom and some wind-down time can all help.

What are some gentle ways to wind down?

These ideas come from NHS self-help guidance. They are simple, free and worth trying:

• Keep regular hours. Going to bed and getting up at roughly the same time helps set your body clock.
• Create a restful space. A dark, quiet, cool bedroom is easier to sleep in.
• Put screens down. Try to switch off phones and laptops a little while before bed.
• Try breathing exercises. The NHS has a short, simple breathing exercise for stress that takes just a few minutes.
• Move during the day. Regular activity can help you feel more relaxed and sleep better.
• Write it down. Jotting a to-do list before bed can help stop thoughts going round in circles.
• Cut back on caffeine and alcohol in the evening.

Where pleasure fits in

Pleasure is not a health intervention, and we would never suggest it replaces proper support. That said, many people describe self-care as anything that helps them slow down and feel good in their own body, and for some, solo pleasure is part of that. A moment that is entirely yours, with nothing to achieve, can feel like a deliberate pause at the end of a busy day.

If that appeals, a few things can make it more relaxing:

• Choose quiet. A near-silent toy means you can relax without worrying about being overheard. The Bijou Classic Bullet is rated at 50 dB or less, quieter than normal conversation, and light enough to sit naturally in the hand. Our guide to noise levels explains decibels.
• Keep it simple. One-button controls mean less fiddling in the dark. The palm-sized Lune Rechargeable Mini Bullet does everything from a single button and fits in a bedside drawer.
• Make it part of a bath ritual. A warm bath is a classic wind-down, and the Duet Dual Massage Wand is rated IPX7 waterproof, so it is happy to join you.
• Take the pressure off. There is no right way to do this. Our guide to solo pleasure has more gentle ideas.

When should you get support?

The NHS recommends speaking to a GP if you have been struggling with sleep for a long time and it is affecting your daily life, or if stress is making you feel overwhelmed. You can also refer yourself to NHS Talking Therapies in England for help with stress, anxiety and low mood. If you ever feel unable to keep yourself safe, call 999 or NHS 111, or contact Samaritans on 116 123 at any time.

Sources and further reading

• NHS Every Mind Matters: Stress
• NHS Every Mind Matters: How to fall asleep faster and sleep better
• NHS: Breathing exercises for stress
• NHS: Tips to reduce stress
• NHS: Insomnia