Couples play, together or apart

Once a toy has become a comfortable part of your relationship, it can open up all kinds of playful possibilities. Couples play is less about technique and more about anticipation, trust and having fun together. This guide shares a few gentle ideas, whether you are curled up on the same sofa or in different time zones.

As always, the golden rules apply: talk first, agree what you are both happy with, check in often and know that either of you can stop at any time.

Play with anticipation

Anticipation is one of the most enjoyable parts of being close. A wireless remote turns a quiet evening into something a little more exciting, because one person holds the controls and the other never quite knows what is coming next.

Some ideas couples enjoy:

• Take turns holding the remote for an evening, then swap.
• Agree a "slow build" where the intensity only goes up one step at a time.
• Let one person choose a pattern and the other guess which one it is.
• Use the toy to set the mood while you talk, cook or relax together.

Remote play works best when you agree the boundaries beforehand, including where and when you are both comfortable. Keep it private and keep it kind.

How do you choose a toy for two?

Some toys made for sharing have a remote or an app, but you do not need either to play together. The Duet Dual Massage Wand has two ends, each with its own motor and its own button, so you can each take charge of one, or switch both on and let them play together. It is waterproof to IPX7 and recharges over USB.

For bath-time together, the palm-sized Lune Rechargeable Mini Bullet is rated IPX7 waterproof, with one simple button that either of you can reach for. Our guide to waterproof ratings explains what each rating means.

If you are buying for a partner or for both of you, a small, simple bullet like the Bijou Classic Bullet is an easy, unintimidating first shared toy, with ten settings and 13 shades to choose from.

How can toys help long-distance couples feel close?

Long-distance relationships, work trips and different shift patterns can make it hard to feel close. App-controlled toys can help bridge that gap: with a long-distance app, a partner you trust can send speeds and patterns from their own phone, wherever they are. We do not stock an app-controlled toy at the moment, but the tips below apply to any you choose.

A few tips for long-distance play:

1. Set it up together first, ideally on a video call, so you both know how the app works.
2. Agree when you are both free and somewhere private.
3. Start gently and use voice or messages to check in.
4. Only ever share access with someone you trust, and end the session whenever you like.

Our guide to app and remote control explains connections, range and privacy in more detail.

Why does communication matter so much?

The more playful things become, the more communication matters. Before trying something new, talk it through. During, check in with simple questions. Afterwards, share what you enjoyed and anything you would change.

A safe word or gesture can be helpful, even for gentle play, because it gives both people an easy way to pause without explanation. If either partner feels unsure, take a step back. There is always another evening.

If you are still at the stage of raising the idea, our guide to bringing a vibrator into your relationship is a good place to start.

Practicalities that help

A few small things make couples play smoother:

• Charge your toy and any remote in advance.
• Keep water-based lube nearby for comfort.
• Test the remote's range around your home so there are no surprises.
• Clean the toy after each use and store it in its pouch, ready for next time.

And if you are ordering a surprise, every parcel arrives in plain, unbranded packaging with BH Commerce Ltd on the bank statement, so nothing gives the game away.