Bringing a vibrator into your relationship

Introducing a vibrator to a relationship can feel like a big step, but for many couples it becomes a fun, relaxed part of being close. A toy is not a replacement for anyone. It is simply another way to share pleasure, try something new and learn more about each other.

Whether you have been together for years or a few weeks, the same few ideas help: talk first, start gently, keep checking in and treat it as play rather than performance.

How do you bring it up before you shop?

A relaxed conversation outside the bedroom usually goes better than a surprise in the moment. Choose a calm time, perhaps on a walk or over dinner, and keep it light and curious. You might say you have been reading about toys, or that you would love to try something new together.

Reassurance helps. Some people worry a toy means they are "not enough". You can gently explain that it is about adding to what you already enjoy, not fixing anything. Our guide to talking to a partner has more conversation starters if you would like them.

Browsing together can be part of the fun. Look through the App and Remote range or take the quiz side by side, and choose something you both feel good about.

What is a good first toy to share?

For a first shared toy, simple usually wins. A small bullet is unintimidating, easy to hold and quiet. Simple controls mean either of you can pick it up without a learning curve.

• The Bijou Classic Bullet is slim and featherlight, with simple controls and ten settings, so either of you can pick it up and play.
• The Duet Dual Massage Wand has two motors, one at each end, each with its own button, and the supplier rates it at under 50 dB.
• If you would rather keep things classic, the Argent Rechargeable Bullet is a polished silver bullet with USB charging and up to 50 minutes of play per charge.

Start gently and keep checking in

When the moment comes, take your time. Begin with the lowest setting and let your partner explore how it feels in their hand before anything else. Laughter is welcome; a little awkwardness is normal and often part of the charm.

Consent is ongoing, not a one-off question. Simple check-ins keep things comfortable for everyone:

1. "Does this feel good?"
2. "Softer or stronger?"
3. "Do you want to keep going or try something else?"

Agree that either of you can pause or stop at any time, without needing a reason. Knowing that the door is always open helps both people relax.

How can you share the controls?

One of the nicest things about a remote or app-controlled toy is the chance to hand over control. Some people love being surprised by a partner choosing the rhythm; others prefer to keep the remote themselves and guide the pace. Try both and talk afterwards about what you each enjoyed.

If you are apart, an app-controlled toy can keep you connected over distance. Our guide to couples play looks at long-distance ideas and app and remote control explained covers the technology.

Make it comfortable

Little practical touches make a big difference. A few drops of water-based lube can add comfort and glide, and it is safe with every material we sell. Keep a towel nearby, choose a warm room and have your toy charged in advance so it is ready when you are.

Why talk afterwards?

A short, kind debrief helps you both learn. What felt lovely? What would you change? Was there anything that did not feel right? Keep it light and appreciative. Over time these small conversations build trust, and that trust is often the most enjoyable part.

And when you order, everything arrives in plain, unbranded packaging, with the neutral name BH Commerce Ltd on your bank statement, so a surprise stays a surprise.