Vibrator myths and facts
Common myths about vibrators, gently set straight. What is true, what is not, and why there is nothing to feel awkward about.
By Editorial team, vibrator.toysUpdated 4 min read
Vibrators have been around for well over a century, yet a surprising number of myths still follow them about. Some are simply out of date; others come from embarrassment, jokes or a lack of good information. Here are the ones we hear most often, with the facts set out plainly and kindly.
Are vibrators only for people who are single?
Fact: people of every relationship status enjoy them. Plenty of people in long, happy relationships own a vibrator, and many share them with a partner. A toy is not a stand-in for anyone; it is simply another way to enjoy pleasure, alone or together.
If you are in a relationship and would like to introduce a toy, our guide to talking to a partner has some gentle ways to start the conversation. And for ideas once you have, see with a partner.
Will a partner feel replaced?
Fact: most partners feel curious, not threatened. It is natural to worry about this, but in practice a toy tends to add to intimacy rather than compete with it. Many couples find that choosing a toy together opens up conversations about what each of them enjoys.
Toys designed for sharing, like the Duet Dual Massage Wand with a motor and button at each end, can turn it into something playful you explore together.
Can you get "used to" a vibrator and lose sensitivity?
Fact: there is no good evidence of lasting loss of sensitivity. Some people notice that sensation feels a little muted straight after a long session on a high setting. This is temporary and usually passes within a short time. Varying speeds, taking breaks and trying lower settings are all simple ways to keep things feeling fresh.
If you ever notice a change in sensation that worries you or does not pass, it is always worth speaking to your GP.
Are vibrators loud and obvious?
Fact: modern motors are remarkably quiet. Many people picture a loud, buzzing gadget, but today's well-made toys are far gentler on the ears. The Bijou Classic Bullet and the Duet Dual Massage Wand are supplier-rated at 50 dB or less and under 50 dB respectively, quieter than a normal conversation. Read more in noise levels explained.
Is buying a vibrator embarrassing?
Fact: it is an ordinary, private purchase. Vibrators are one of the most popular wellness purchases in the UK, and buying one online is now as unremarkable as buying a candle or a face mask.
With us, it is also completely private. Your order arrives in plain, unbranded packaging with no product names on the label, and your bank statement simply says "BH Commerce Ltd". Nobody needs to know unless you choose to tell them. See discreet packaging and what appears on your bank statement.
Are all toys made from the same materials?
Fact: materials vary a great deal, and they matter. Some cheaper toys use porous materials or plastics softened with phthalates. Porous materials can hold on to bacteria even after washing. Body-safe toys are made from non-porous materials such as high-grade platinum silicone and ABS, which clean thoroughly.
Every product we sell is body-safe and phthalate-free. Our guide to body-safe materials explains what to look for wherever you shop.
Do you need lots of settings to enjoy a toy?
Fact: simple can be wonderful. It is tempting to assume more speeds and patterns means a better toy. In reality, many people end up with one or two favourite settings. A simple design like the Bijou Classic Bullet, with ten settings and one easy control, is often all you need, especially to begin with.
If you do enjoy variety, there are toys with twenty or more settings. Our guide to power and speeds helps you find the right balance.
Do you need to know what you like before you buy?
Fact: discovering what you like is part of it. Nobody arrives with a fully formed list of preferences. Trying a toy, noticing what feels good and adjusting from there is exactly how most people learn. Our guide to finding what you like has some unhurried ideas.
Are vibrators only for younger people?
Fact: pleasure has no age limit. People enjoy toys at every stage of life. Some find them especially welcome during or after the menopause, when the body and its preferences can change. Our menopause and pleasure guide covers this with care, with links to NHS information.
The bottom line
A vibrator is a simple, personal choice about your own wellbeing. There is nothing unusual about wanting one, nothing to explain and nobody to answer to. Take what is useful from this page, leave the rest, and if you would like a starting point, choosing your first vibrator is a friendly next step.
Questions, answered
Is it normal to own a vibrator?
Yes, very. Vibrators are widely owned by people of all ages and relationship statuses, and buying one is an ordinary wellness purchase.
Can using a vibrator reduce sensitivity?
There is no good evidence of lasting loss of sensitivity. Any muted feeling after a long session on a high setting is usually temporary. If a change worries you or does not pass, speak to your GP.
Will my partner mind if I use a vibrator?
Every relationship is different, but many partners feel curious rather than threatened, and plenty of couples enjoy toys together. An open, relaxed conversation usually helps.
Are cheap vibrators safe?
Not always. Some use porous materials or phthalates. Look for non-porous, body-safe materials such as high-grade platinum silicone and ABS. Everything we sell meets that standard.
